I have a confession to make.  My wife and I have been living in Northern Ireland for a month and a half now as missionaries.  All along the journey of preparation, one of our main goals has been to avoid being arrogant - to avoid acting like we have it all together and we’re stooping to impart our knowledge to the “poor, ignorant natives;” to avoid riding in on the white horse, ignoring all that God is already doing, etc.  We said that we wanted to come humbly - to take our place in God’s plan and respect those who have gone before.  We said that anyway.

What I’m finding is that in my heart I really wanted that white horse.  What I wanted was to be known - “Saint Patrick may have driven all the snakes out of Ireland, but Saint Mark was the one that really taught us [fill in the blank].”  What I’ve found is that there’s this secret root of ambition that really wants to find SOMETHING to put in that blank, something that we can be first or best at, something to teach the “poor, ignorant natives.”

As we’ve found new and exciting things going on here and some very like-minded people, there is this tendency to actually be disappointed because I wanted to be the first to bring a missional outlook, a focus on prayer and hearing God, an attitude of service instead of a sales pitch, etc.  How sick is that?  I should be happy that we don’t have to tackle this alone and start from scratch, right?  I guess I’m an arrogant American after all.  Funny how close arrogant and insecure are…

See, I think it really comes down to this: I need to fill in that blank, because I don’t believe that I - who God has made me and my love for people - am enough.  That if I just bring myself as loaves and fishes it won’t quite stretch far enough.  I believe that I need a gimmick.  Like it’s not enough to have a good song.  No one will listen unless you sing it in an Elvis costume.

But Jesus said YOU are the light of the world.  YOU are the salt of the earth.  He didn’t say “your teaching on prayer is the light of the world” or “your ability to organize events” or “your new outlook on ministry” or “your ability to avoid these certain sins”…he said YOU.  Your love for me.  Your history with me.  Your desires.  Your relationships.  You messing up and asking forgiveness.  You being weak and looking foolish.  You are the light of the world.  Or maybe like Paul said “Christ in you, the hope of glory.”

I repent of looking for a gimmick.  I’m bringing my weakness to the table and me and Jesus are going to turn this place upside down.